How to Spot Frenemies

Photograph by migszxc via Flickr

Hi there! I have a chatty, experience type of post up today and I want to talk about a topic that has troubled me practically all through my teenage and adult life. Frenemies or friends who secretly are your enemies. They are everywhere and always heard of in female friendships and groups. Oddly enough most guys have possibly never experienced this whole feeling and I’d say that’s one thing I like about guy friendships. However, us girls - we are way more complicated, emotional and like to take things to the next level( well, most of us). So I thought I’d share with you some recurring signs of a frenemy and how to identify such a person.

1. They always seem to be in a bad mood when everyone else is talking to you more than they are talking to that person.

2. They don’t include you in gossip and secrets they share with others. However, they do make their own secrets with you about other friends in the group behind their back.

3. Whenever you do talk to them, the entire conversation is usually about them.

4. If you try to change the topic and talk about something you like, you are abruptly interrupted.

5. If you succeed in something or have made an achievement and tell them about it, they have a deadly scowl on their faces.

6. They will go on to say that oh “ I once did this and achieved this” making it sound like yours was a no big deal.

7. They have a whole bunch of sarcastic remarks about everything you have to say and pretend to be “just kidding”.

8. They always ditch your plans and only show up when their plan is accepted by everyone.

9. They will force you into doing something you’d rather not only to remind of “that one time you…” all the time.

10. They never return your calls or even message back when you’ve called them many times.

11. They have a bunch of excuses for why they can’t help you.

12. They never give you the complete scoop on anything that happened when you weren’t there and   you only find out from someone else.

13. They will ditch you anytime to hang out with their boyfriend but they’ll absolutely make you feel bad about doing the same when they’re single.

14. You hang out with them all the time, but never spill your real thoughts and secrets around them.

15. They always act like a drama queen when you don’t pay enough attention for a short while.

16. They blame you and make you apologize(for the sake of their friendship) for something you clearly didn’t do.

17. They throw shade on you while you’re there by saying how she hates “when people do/wear this” and it’s probably something you do.

18. You often feel lonely in their company.

I’ve experienced all of the above from multiple people I’ve come across in my life and I'm sure everybody has at some point. I’ve been hurt, I’ve been annoyed but now that I think of it, all these experiences have only made me wiser. I’m going to sound like a chain mail from the 2000s, but if a couple of those points made you think about someone in your life you need to let them go and do it as gently as you can.  Personally, the only way to deal with such a person is to step away, let distance do it’s work and disappear from their lives as soon as possible. I’ve found that the longer you pretend to like this person, you’re going to be hurting yourself more in the process. Like Oprah Winfrey once said, “ Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher”.